Currently Listening One X By Three Days Grace see related

Wow It's Been A While

     Hmmm...Well I guess I'm going to try to update this stuff. Not like anyone cares haha. I just need a vent. Alot has changed since those other entries. Wow I guess I've kinda grown up. About to be a senior almost out on my own. Craziness. There isn't much to say my life is very confusing right now. Alot is going on. People have came back into my life that I didn't expect. Some of the decisions I have to make for these people are more difficult than they seem. I wish it was just a one word answer and just one thought process. I want to be there like I used to but I don't want to get heartbroken. That heartbreak was a huge part of my life and still think about it daily. Trying to find someone who will be there for me and love me to get away from it and has kinda worked until that part of my life walked back in. The love I searched for will be leaving in 20 some days. So once again I'm dropped. I just hate to be lonely. It was great. Just the person I wanted and then again too good to be true. I don't want to worry anymore. I worry way too much. I just need some confidence. I want to have fun but there's always things bothering me in the back of my mind. I just care sooo much sooo quick that it hurts me in the long run. I make someone my everything and when it is gone...I have nothing. I just want something to make me happy again. Something to look forward to everyday. I want be a beautiful person.

The End.

I'm now done venting.

I feel like, I would like 
To be somewhere else doing something that matters 
And I'll admit here, while I sit here 
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather 

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless 
So unwanted like I've lost all my value 
I can't find it, not in the least bit 
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you 

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all 
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all 
But then you assure me 

I'm a little more than useless 
And when I think that I can't do this 
You promise me that I'll get through this 
And do something right 
Do something right for once 

So I say if I can't, do something significant 
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted 
And nothing trival, that life could give me will 
Measure up to what might have replaced it 

Too late look, my date book 
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone 
And I bet, that regret 
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run 

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all 
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all 
But then you assure me 

I'm a little more than useless 
And when I think that I can't do this 
You promise me that I'll get through this 
And do something right 
Do something right for once 

I'm a little more than useless 
And I never knew I knew this 
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day 
That I would do something right 
Do something right for once 

I notice, I know this 
Week is a symbol of how I use my time 
Resent it, I spent it 
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine 
Without me 
Doing anything of any consequence 
Without me 
Showing any sign of ever making sense 
Of my time , it's my life 
And my right, to use it like I should 
Like he would, for the good 
Of everything that I would ever know 

I'm a little more than useless 
When I think that I can't do this 
You promise me that I'll get through this 
And do something right 
Do something right for once 

I'm a little more than useless 
And I never knew I knew this 
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day 
That I would do something right 
Do something right for once 

Currently Listening Karma and Effect By Seether see related

Havent written in a while....went to x fest! IT WAS FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!!!!I crowd surfed twice and push a like seven foot tall guy around in a mosh pit!! Man i had sooo much fun! The first time i crowd surfed they pushed me into the main mosh pit and about got hammered lol! I talked to Shawn Morgan!! (lead singer of SEETHER) and he winked at me we talked for a while!! Hes freakin awesome!!I didnt get to see Smile Empty Soul which sucked cuz i knew all their songs! phewy. But i got Cold's autograph on my etnies! One of the guys smelled my shoe! Another one has a long twisted goatee...and i was like can i touch it...hes like thats an awesome phrase to use and laughed! it was sooooo great! im goin next year! Saturday was also me and Ryan 3 month aniversary! awww! i love him so much! well im out like a fat kid in dodgeball!

kelc kelc

*love you ryan*

Currently Listening The End of Heartache By Killswitch Engage see related

++Do you have a crush on anyone? yes

++Who is it? RYAN CHRISTOPHER ATKINS

++Who has it harder boys or girls? girls definately

++Are you boy c.r.a.z.y.? im Ryan crazy lol

++Would you rather be a boy or a girl? girl

++How many boyfriends have you had? ummmm too many

++Guys in polo shirts...h.o.t .or not? hot

++Would you date a guy with a lip piercing? yea i like piercings

++"Only real men wear eyeliner" true or false? i think guys that wear eyeliner are hot

++Does a guy have to have alot of money? no!

++What is the sexiest body part on a guy? eyes

++Your biggest turn off? a liar

++What if the guy curses a whole lot? dont care as long as its not at me

++Bad boy or good boy? both

++Have you ever made out with a guy that was just a friend? yes

++Ever make out with your friend's boyfriend? yes but she wasnt really my friend at the time

++If so why? he said they were gonna break up

++A guy wrote a love poem to you, turn off or turn on? definate turn on

++Would you date a guy over 20 years old? depends

++What are your views on pimps? i hate how they treat women as items

++Emotional boys...hot or not? hot

++Would you date a guy younger than you? yea

++Would you break up with a guy because your friends don't like him? depends

++What is the sweetest thing a guy has done for you? all the little moments

++Are you attracted to skaters? hell yes (seein as my boyfriend is one)

++What is your deffintion of love? me and ryan

++Do you think guys your age are capable of being in love? yes

++Do you have trouble trusting guys? yes

++Have you ever met a guy that hasn't lied to you? no

figured i would update....so leave me comments